Writer's Gush

Medical term for when someone working with words cannot stop writing, commonly considered the opposite of writer’s block.¹

Now understandably a lot of you coming to this definition may simply be civilians in the literary world, so have little to no conception of ‘Writer’s Block’. You might not even understand the process. Let me explain.

Writing is a very personal act and so techniques for success differ from one to another. For some, it requires hours of stolen moments of contemplation to absorb pages of research, before one can tastefully remove a glowing orb from the soul, which they will then nurture and feed for days, weeks, months - as long as it takes. When ready, they release their creation into the world, leaning out of a window and hoping that dream they once has grows wings and flies. For others, its like a bogey that they flick at a wall. And then there are the celebrity authors, for whom it doesn’t matter either way. But in all scenarios, there must still be a resource to plunder, something taken from inside the body and placed onto the page.

That is until you are visited by the dreaded writer’s block.

Amongst writing professionals it is a terrible affliction, beaten in seriousness by only one other condition, death. Also known as ‘the block’, as in one author might suggest to the other ‘you are looking very pale, have you got the block?’, this is a medical condition which can strike at any moment rendering an author or authoress dumb, mute and dull. Thankfully, doctors are able to diagnose writer’s block physiologically, and symptoms can present themselves throughout the writing process, from clouded minds that cannot hold an idea long enough to ruminate a sentence, to fingertips that cannot scratch the words and even in extreme cases sealed mouths and locked elbows which altogether make any working practice impossible. The diagnosis is made simply through a blood test - blood is taken from the patient and then attempted to pass through a quill; if the quill blocks or blots, it suggests an issue, and a suitable remedy is suggested. For some, it is just the case of a quick brandy once in the morning which loosens the lower vowels (please see further definitions below); for others a more standard suppository can be inserted to reinvigorate the creative juices, and a less intrusive implant that fits inside your arm and delivers inspiration at a constant rate across the day.

Which leads us to writers’ gush. Much less is known, scientifically speaking, about writers’ gush. Partly, it’s deemed as less of a medical problem because people enjoy the experience of an abundance of writing, so it gets reported less to the appropriate authorities (publishers, GPs, spelling police etc.). But this ignores the true impact of the affliction, as it is detrimental to those around them: no-one likes an arrogant so-and-so, and no one likes to hear when someone is inspired, particularly when one is not. Because of this lack of research, the only cures available are much more anecdotal and tends towards blood letting and putrid cocktails.

Famous beasts (see definitions below) of the literary scene include Steven King. In his most effusive moments, it has been known for him to start a book in the morning and have it finished by lunchtime, where he stops for a quick toilet break and lets out the pressure from his swollen neck. In fact, he has become so prolific that he writes books at the press events arranged to discuss and market them, often wearing a scarf to hide his discomfort. King has been asked over and over again to explain his writers’ gush, which surprisingly he has not written about, possibly because he is so prolific that he’s never had the actual need to touch upon his own life and experiences, but he did touch upon it in interview when probed:

There is, I am told, a writing gland which for whatever reason, is overactive in my situation. No one can tell me why. But I do now know that if I do not write, my neck swells. If I do not write, my hands sweat. When I do not write, my tongue goes orange and my throat tightens. At this point, my writing is barely a conscious act, it has become a necessary compulsion, as natural as the sun rises and falls each day, or as my bowels move, like clockwork. If I do not write, I will die. It will sit within me and I will explode to death. Actually, that seems like a good idea… excuse me… **squelching sound before he emerges with a fully intact novel that he shows to the cameras**

Recording of Steven King, circa 2004 before he wrote ‘Steven King: What a Guy - the official autobiography of Me (Steven King)’

Glossary

Other associated definitions and idioms for writing afflictions

Gutterhound - someone who sniffs a book before they read them, and writes notes in the other hand, almost writing as many words as they read, essentially transcribing everything because they have not learned to filter good ideas from good writing.

Making Leaf - the act of writing a lot of pages

Having the jotters - sometimes people have a need to commit to the page so much, they shake, known colloquially as the jotters.

Tapping the soul - when the body feels like it’s full of stories, one can let their fingers tap around the keyboard and jump from word to word in a cascade of free association and guiltless stream of consciousness writing. The soul, in this instance, is being tapped for a meaning but unless someone is present enough to control what comes out, the end result will be garbage, and often produces material that leads the author vulnerable to blackmail or simply imprisonment, so heinous are their inner monologues.

Jotpot - someone who just spends all their time writing as a hobby

ABCD or Alphabet Behavioural Control Disorder; a spectrum of habits which can be diagnosed as an inability to break from a simple ordering of letters in day to day activities. Affected users prefer conversations be sorted alphabetically where possible

Lower Vowels - internal organ located in the abdomen where words are kept waiting to be removed from the body

Upper Vowels - internal organ located by the oesophagus where words are kept having been brought in, either through the ears or the eyes, waiting to be processed and sent around the body for enjoyment and understanding.

Beast - someone really good at writing, or at least known for writing in large volume. The quality of this writing does not impact the use of this label

Free Quilling - letting the ink flow from your fingertips via an everyday writing feather

Footnotes