Welcome back to my monthly quick-fire collection of short-sharp stabs of literary nonsense - this includes a raft of new words, some amended definitions and a short list of words which I now believe need to be removed as a matter of course. Long-form new word essays will still be published irregularly. Please adjust your dictionaries as necessary.

New Words

• Papier-mâchétte - Pap·ear·-·mash·yet·tay (noun)
  Make-shift shiv made from drenching newspaper strips in a special PVA-inspired mixture and layering on top of a basic cardboard shape, leaving to dry and then sharpening, in order to create a friendly knife for fancy dress parties in prison.

• Clownage - Ker·lao-nadge (noun)
  Describing the act or process of a clown. e.g. the man fell with the balletic clownage of Charlie Chapman (Charlie Chaplin’s brother in law, a terrible clown who kept falling over).

• Pre-Prep-Guardiola - Purr·Eee·Purr·Epp·-·Guard·Eee·Oh·Lalala (noun)
  Initial nursery intake for the infamous Manchester school for football managers and kit men. Balding children get a scholarship. Lunch is provided, though extra snacks can be bought from the ticka-tucka shop.

• Hogman’s Lunch - Hog·man·zzz· ·Lung·tche (noun)
  Cocktail sausages and a little stick with cheese and pineapple from my 70s dinner party hedgehog display that I have progressed to soloing each lunch. Also known as a pricknic, doctors swear by it as being really good at spiking glucose levels.

• Adjasite - Add·jer·sigh·ttt (adj.)
  Describing something which is sat next to something else. The word is the opposite of opposite, where opposite means something that sits as far away from some other named thing so as not share anything in common.

• Compopposite - Ckomp·pop·po·sit (noun)
  Derived from the concept of a ‘composite opposite’, it describes a word which is created by defining the opposite of another word. e.g. the opposite of a hat stand, where you keep your hats, is a foothop, where you lose your shoes. See foothop

• Foothop - Fffffffff·ut·hop·p (noun)
  Piece of furniture that is designed to be where you are supposed to leave your shoes but always forget. See Compopposite for explanatory example

• Normalthermia - Nor-mall-thur-me-yaa (noun)
  Mild affliction in which the sufferer measures exactly room temperature (see adjustments & clarifications), i.e. the right, normal, happy, green on the temperature thermometer temperature. For scientific bods looking for something more specific, Normalthermia sits bang on the spectrum between hyperthermia (too hot!) and hypothermia (uh oh! cold cold cold!)

• Nauxious - Knock·Shüsh (noun)
  Resultant feeling from a melting pot filled with existential dread, anxiety and nausea (mostly induced by smelling said melting pot). This can be cured by taking an alcoholic drink regularly

See also this article on Fisherettes for Salmonella and Schlüß.

Adjustments & Clarifications

• Pragmatic → Catmatic/ As the opposite of dogmatic, it only makes sense to use a natural composite opposite to bookend this particular spectrum of maticcisms.

• Room Temperature/ This is just to clarify that this means a nice sort of pleasant temperature that a room should be at and not specifically the temperature of whatever room you are in. Igloos, for example, might have rooms that measure a temperature of -2°C but you couldn’t follow a recipe that asked for room temperature water, as it would be ice. Instead we suggest the term ‘roomal temperature’ e.g. “the igloo measured at perfect roomal temperature”

Removals

Please delete these entries from your nearest dictionary.

• Whole/ The audacity to have a word that contains everything in its entirety, but 80% is constituted by another word meaning an absence of everything stuns me.

• Marmalade/ Bitter jam isn’t it. I think we can move on from this experiment in general. If anyone wants a bit of orange peel jam, send me an SAE.