Please note this is an extract from my book ‘The Alternative Wordbook’ which features my original attempts at new words, tied together within a weird and subtle meta-narrative amongst the definitions (not very important). I’ll be sharing the chapters of the book, including essays on every letter in the alphabet, in consumable chunks or ‘chapters’ throughout the months and weeks that follow this, while I busy myself working on the next book which I definitely won’t be giving away for free eventually one day
The letter “d” is one of the most interesting of all the letters. It has an informed wisdom over any given word. This power can never be overstated. For many, it represents a distinguished past – the weight of knowledge that is transferred as much by the constant rhythm of the wind, as it is by the tone of the speaker. It comes as no surprise that in many languages other than English the word “God” is begun with a “d” – hence the English word “deity”, literally, a kind of “City of God”. Similarly epic in nature, “discipline”, “destruction” and “death” are ideas which are all dominated by a soft, subtle strength that is never so crass as to pierce the air, but beats like a dull drum, with a power unrivalled in the linguistic kingdom. The strength of these words is inevitable, inescapable – and all this can be derived from “d”.
In common grammar, we know “d” as the cousin that aids verbs through the passage of time. Adding an “-ed” onto most verbs, converts them into having occurred. If you are walking, later you will have walked, if you are talking you will soon have talked – and when something is dangerous, it will eventually become dangeroused. This is simply how time works, and it is through “d” that we must come to terms with our inevitable mortality.
The key to “d” is in its softness, the letter itself being dominated by curves; rarely even does the lower case “d” feel like it has any straight edge at all. It is often reproduced as cursive, and perceived by the eye to slip at the end – like safety scissors that are designed never to hurt, and are incapable of even injuring paper.
This gentle, curved quality of “d” is compounded nowhere more than its use in ladies’ underwear. Although few really understand the system that is used, the larger, more curved breast is held with a “DD” bra, or “2D” as it is known in the film industry. The third dimension, “3D”, recently popularised by modern cinema, refers to the use of third breasted characters, whose inclusion has proven popular amongst film goers. Many critics fail to understand exactly what is added to a film’s narrative by doubling the cleavage, but you can’t argue with gate receipts.
Interestingly, the “dd” formulation of breast underwear design can also be applied to grammar – those hoping for a more sensuous description of the past are able to utilise this to end verbs caught in time. One could, for example, say they “enjoydd the ice cream” – adding a certain – risqué sexual vibe to proceedings, and subtly doubling the sense of a more wistful time.
Along these lines, the letter “d” has found itself being accosted by the many geeks and nerds who squander their time playing games like Dungeons with Dragons and Elf Sandbox Justice III using specially crafted “12D” – these are 12 sided dice (or how ever many sides one has the need or patience to count up to – the record is an epic 645 sided beast that featured in the popular television game show Dice Hard). These fantasy adventures emphasise actions that are not brutal, or even factual. Instead, players participate through imagination – literally using the soft strength of the mind, that make these games synonymous with god-like activity, and control.
It is no wonder then that a lot of people love the “d”.
Technically, one can argue with gate receipts, but they are unlikely to give you the satisfaction of arguing back.
